The Ride
The sound of horse's hooves fill the night's silence.
They greet each other with whining whinnies
As one by one they walked into the warm-up arena.
The air is shadowed by their smoky breath as they snorted.
My mount neighed beneath me.
My heart was racing as the gate opened calling for my class.
He snorted and pawed his leg waiting for my command.
I touched his side with my heel.
We shot forward.
His legs driving hard into the soft dirt.
The gate was narrow, but he guided us through with ease.
The bright lights of the arena blinded me, but my mount continued forward.
Cheers filled the room as we trotted towards the wall.
My heart was pounding with the beat of his hooves.
I pushed him forward, forcing him to trot higher.
The cheering grew as they saw his change
His panting breaths cue my own
We lap one last time, the cheers rang in my ears.
Sweat pours from me and my mount.
Our breathing is slow, but deep as we stand in line.
My heart has calmed as I pat my mount on the neck.
They call our name and he neighs his approval.
My last ride on my mount, but one to remember.
We trot one last time.
Screams and cheers filled the arena
But I could not hear them over his snorting breath.
Tears came to my eyes, but not from the cheers.
It was from the ride.
Excellent job here! There's a lot of clarity and length here. For a suggestion, I would show a bit more than tell. For instance, what does it feel like to sit on top of the horse? What can you compare the texture of the mane, the jump of the muscles, the smell, etc to? How would you describe this to a person who didn't know what a horse was? (Like defamiliarization)
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